If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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