my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
