i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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