It's Friday. Sex?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
