When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
