how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
