i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
