I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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