If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
