I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
