Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
