I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
