I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
