I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
