I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
