you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
