I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
