Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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