New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
