tell your sister to shave her snatch
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
