What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
