Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
