My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
