Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
