I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
