first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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