3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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