dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Found the puke drawer
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
