The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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