Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
