she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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