drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
