Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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