loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
