dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize