Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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