i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize