that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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