Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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