We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
