Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
