I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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