just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
