i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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