Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
