i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
