I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
please come you make the beer taste better
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
