did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
His hands were made for my vagina.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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