Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize