i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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