I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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