I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
