I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
