He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I want to be your penis for a week.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
