idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
