this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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