he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
