Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
