I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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