careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
