I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
