it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
