apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
