My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
