so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
