How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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